The Downfall of the Great Seifer Almasy
by Grinning Reaper
Summary: Zell has something Siefer wants. Correction: Zell has something Seifer NEEDS and he's gotta get it without fail! But be warned Seifer, it won't be easy!! Eventual Seifer and Zell pairing!! YAY!! SLASHY GOODNEESS!!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Err…I heard a song on the radio that said it's hip to be a square, I'm not a square nor do I own Squaresoft…so the rest is kind of obvious…  
  
Grinning Reaper: Hello! I bet you all thought that I was dead or something. Well, I wasn't.  
  
Squall: Dammit…  
  
Grinning Reaper: Quiet you. My computer was just busted. It really sucked because it crashed because it had to many stories in it and Ma took a whole long time to get it fixed.  
  
Squall: Is there a point to this?  
  
Grinning Reaper: YES! I'm explaining to all my fans why I wasn't here a while!  
  
Squall: … You don't have any fans …  
  
Grinning Reaper: ::punches Squall into oblivion:: Anyway, just so you know, this is a slash fic…if you don't like that kinda stuff, then leave. There. I don't know how to send that message any better.  
  
Squall: You could have a picture of a guy giving someone a blow-job.  
  
Grinning Reaper: … … … Uhm… I like mine better. Oh, and for all you slashers, this is a Slash Amongst Knights And Their Chicken-wusses. (There wasn't an official and cute sounding title for it like Quall or Squinoa or Saifuu…this is the best I could come up with…) Here it is!  
  
  
  
Chapter one:  
  
Chicken-wusses are cruel and demented people…  
  
  
  
"Welcome to Boco Burger, home of the Boco Burger, how may I help you?" I droned. Ladies and gentlemen, I, Seifer Almasy, hate my job. First off because I'm the cash register boy, I take orders and crap from everyone.  
  
The second reason is because of this STUPID uniform I have to wear. Can anyone here picture me in baby blue pants, a soft yellow polo shirt with a hat shaped like a Chocobo and a nametag that reads 'Seffer'? Neither can I. But, I still wear it. Not with pride though…  
  
And finally, there is the fact that I have to be polite and NICE to everyone. I can't talk back or I loose my job. And I need this job. Do you know how much sitting on your ass all day and fishing pays? Not very much you can imagine. I tried to get jobs at other places but they all recognized me as the scary Knight that went whacko and tried to blow up the world or something like that. So this was my only option. I've had a really long day today too. Three people snapped at me, I was almost forced to wear a hairnet (ugh), A kid got stuck on the roof of the play center and I was the only one tall enough to reach him, an old guy puked in the middle of the floor, (three guesses who had to clean that up and the first two don't count.) One of my co-workers accidentally-on-purpose spilled grease on my shirt and to top it all off I have to lock up after work is over. I'm lucky I only have thirty minutes left until closing time. Because if I have to say 'Welcome to the Boco Burger, home of the Boco Burger' one more time, I'm going to puke. (I bet I'll have to mop that one up too.)  
  
There is one good point though. I work in Dollet, so the chances of anyone that knows me seeing me are about a million to one.  
  
"Welcome to the Boco Burger…" I began for what must be the umpteenth time today.  
  
"Heh heh…yeah, I'll have a number six…" A familiar voice chuckled. My head snapped up.  
  
"Yo, Seifer!" A pair of summer blue eyes winked at me.  
  
"Ch-Chicken-wuss!" Zell laughed and leaned against the counter with one hand. "What are you doing here???" I demanded. He grinned and a pair of little white fangs poked through his upper lip.  
  
"Workin' for the Garden Gazette. Cid made me do it cuz I got my T-board taken up again. I was gonna do an article about the places a tourist can go in Dollet, but this looks like a better idea." A flash of light suddenly blinded me. "Say cheese burger!" I reached for the camera.  
  
"Hand it over!" Chicken-wuss began to back pedal.  
  
"Sorry, can't, this is Garden equipment." I lunged form behind the counter and chased after him.  
  
"I'm not playing! Give it here!"  
  
"Oh yeah! The camera loves ya baby!" He squeezed off three more pictures and backed out the door, laughing his taught little ass off the whole way.  
  
Not that I was looking or anything…  
  
He was SO lucky I wasn't on my brake! If I was, I'd go after him and make him rue the very millisecond that that camera was placed in his hands.  
  
I stormed back over to the counter. Everyone was staring.  
  
"Okay people, go about your business." I said waving my arms. They still stared. "NOW!" I turned to the next customer with a pleasant smile on my face.  
  
"Welcome to Boco Burger, home of the Boco Burger, how may I take your order?" Make no mistake though, I am going to get those pictures back and the whole world can't stop me.  
  
The next three people ordered and only one snapped at me. Then I sent everyone out because we were closed. Sighing, I grabbed the mop and began to clean the floor. I had most definitely earned this week's paycheck. If not an oh say… ten thousand gil bonus. That would be nice. I'd by a car. A shiny, shiny silver convertible with air conditioning and a CD player… but I'm getting way, way off topic here. I have to focus. Chicken-wuss took some incriminating photos of me. So what? I could get them back. No problem right? It was only Chicken-wuss after all. But I couldn't just say 'Give them back' and expect him to. Nope. Ain't happening.  
  
I needed to think of how to get them back. As I started to wipe off the tables, I decided an elaborate plan wouldn't do for this sort of thing. I needed to keep it simple. Man was table six a real mess. The guy had gotten ketchup and dipping sauce everywhere. He didn't even throw a way his trash or put up his tray! Bastard. If I ever see him again I'll- whoa, I'm getting off topic again. What can I say? It's late and I'm tired.  
  
As I locked up the doors and got into my car (shabby, cream and ugly, also with no air-conditioning) I realized that the answer was right in front of me. I'm like what? About a foot taller and sixty pounds heavier? Maybe I scare him into giving the pictures back. By the time I had decided how to go about it, I was back at the Garden and halfway to my dorm. Chicken-wuss was nowhere in sight. He was probably hiding. I had almost considered stopping by his dorm, but decided to wait until tomorrow. I was too sleepy to do anything right now. I could catch him early tomorrow morning as he comes out of his dorm. I opened the door to my dorm, nope, no Chicken-wuss anywhere. Which was a relief. That would be the last thing I need. I showered and got ready for bed. I lay awake for a few moments and calculated how much it might hurt if he actually hit me for once. I decided it wasn't important because he wasn't going to and rolled over to go to sleep. I smirked as my eyes drifted shut. Chicken-wuss, tomorrow, your ass is mine.  
  
Not that I had been looking or anything…  
  
  
  
Grinning Reaper: Okay, so that was a bit short, the next chapter might be as short but hey, it's a living.  
  
Seifer: What have you done to me?!? You've destroyed my honor!  
  
Squall: You had honor?  
  
Grinning Reaper: Dun worry about it Seiffa! It'll bring in the reviews!!  
  
Seifer: ::grumble mumble:: 


	2. Zell's BIG Plan

Disclaimer: I don't own them.not everyone can have what they want. ::snaps fingers:: If I COULD have what I want it'd either be Zell.or Seifer.or Slephie. or Quistis.or.or.well, just about everyone in that game. (EXCEPT RINOA!!! YUCK!!!)  
  
Chapter two: Zell's big plan  
  
  
  
The first thing I remembered when I opened my eyes was taking those pictures of Seifer. Hyne, was I lucky that I got away with my life! (And the pictures too!;) ) I rolled over in bed and slid them from underneath my pillow. There were four of them in all. I leafed through them slowly. The last one was my favorite. Seifer was lunging and the camera, his long, slender hands bent into claws and his teeth bared. He looked like a pissed- off Moomba. Woah.wait a second.I just compared grumpy, mean ol' Seifer Almasy, to a cuddly, cute Moomba? Wow. I must be going nuts! I hid my laughter in my hand. Then I suddenly realized something. Seifer was going to want these back. No way was I going to give them to him either, whether or not I publish them, I'm not real sure why, but part of me wanted to keep them. I sat up and started to get ready for school, as I was in the shower, I thought of a plan. It was a really good one too. Sometimes I surprise even myself. I got in to my Garden uniform and started out the door. To tell the truth, I was a bit nervous. I had never done anything like this, and I'm not so sure I can even do it right. I wasn't three steps out of my dorm before a pair of hands grabbed me and slammed me up against the wall.  
  
"SHIT!" I cried hoarsely as my back made a loud thud against the tile.  
  
"Hand 'em over Dincht, now!" Seifer growled in a low voice. I blinked at him.  
  
"What?" I asked. (I knew he was talking about the pictures.)  
  
"You know 'what'. Give them here." I tilted my head.  
  
"What are ya gonna go to me if I don't?" I asked. Seifer glared.  
  
"Beat you to a bloody pulp." Was his short reply. Ouch. I grinned at him, I had a feeling that that was what he was going to say.  
  
"No you won't. You can't do anything to me." I said. Seifer's eyes narrowed to the size of poison darts.  
  
"And tell me one reason why I can't." My grin got bigger.  
  
"You're still on probation. If you do anything to me, I can go tell Cid and you'll get you ass booted outta here faster than you can say 'Ifrit'." Seifer dropped me and scowled. He knew I was right.  
  
"What if I deny it?" He asked smirking.  
  
"Who is Cid gonna believe? Innocent and beaten little ol' me? Or the Big Bad Knight that beat him up?" Seifer growled.  
  
"I want them back."  
  
"You do? Well you can have 'em." I said shrugging. "But, you're gonna have to work for them." Seifer looked like he was about to go 'Demon Slice' on me.  
  
"This is black mail." I grinned again.  
  
"Think of it as payback." I replied. He sighed, knowing he was defeated. This was too perfect.  
  
"Fine Chicken-wuss, what do I have to do?" My grin changed into a smile.  
  
"I'll tell you, but not out here. In my dorm." I said opening my door. Seifer let out an explosive sigh and rolled his eyes.  
  
"I can't believe that I'm doing this." He grumbled as he walked in. I shut the door behind me.  
  
"Alright." I said at last, "here's the deal: I've got four pictures in all, you want all four back right?" Seifer nodded. I pounded a fist into an open hand. "Okay. So, for each pic, you have to do a.task. If you refuse to do that task, the picture that you're going to get if you completed that task will be published." I explained. Seifer stared at me open-mouthed.  
  
"Wh-WHAT?" He finally exploded. "No way!" I shrugged and started out the door.  
  
"Tch, fine. Now if you'll let me pass, I have to go to Cid's office and hand in some pictures." I replied coolly as I sidestepped around him. He grabbed a fistful of the back of my jacket.  
  
"What do I have to do?" He growled between his teeth. I grinned for the millionth time this morning. This was too much fun.  
  
"You'll get your first assignment before lunch." I replied. Seifer glared.  
  
"And the picture?"  
  
"I'll conveniently leave my table and slip it to ya."  
  
"No tricks?" his eyes were even narrower. I held two fingers up to my forehead like an eagle scout.  
  
"Scouts Honor." I said.  
  
"You were never a scout." Seifer grumbled as he stormed out. I followed and went my separate way down the hall. This was going to be too much fun. I was surprised that he was going along with this though. I don't see him as the type who would allow being manipulated. He must really not want anyone to find out that he works at the Boco Burger. (Why I don't think I'll ever find out.) I sort of feel sorry for him now.  
  
Wait, cut the shit Dincht, he was an asshole to you for years! You finally have your chance to make HIM suffer for a change. I guess that I'm right, I mean, it's all fun and games, right?  
  
I finally reached my first class and sat down in my desk. I had to think of a good something for Seifer to do to get the first picture.  
  
"Hiya Zell!" A hyper voice squealed. I jumped about three good feet. My head snapped up. Selphie was standing in front of me with a big happy grin plastered all over her face.  
  
"Uhm, hi Selphie." I managed to gasp out once my heartbeat was back to normal. Her grin got bigger. She was up to something.  
  
"Soooooo," she began, plunking herself down in her desk behind me. "what's up? Anything NEW and IMPORTANT that I should know about??" She asked wiggling her eyebrows.  
  
"Selph?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Switch to de-cafe." I sighed as I turned on my desk computer. She pouted slightly.  
  
"But I don't drink coffee." She said shaking her head and biting her lower lip.  
  
"Just.take my advise on this one." I replied. She leaned closer.  
  
"C'mon Zelly! You can tell meeee! What's the low-down? What's been with you? Or shall I say.who??" She giggled.  
  
"Okay." I wasn't able to say much more, because class was getting started. Selphie winked at me and mouthed the words 'after classes'. Oh brother, whatever's gotten into that head of hers has GOT to be crazier than usual, either that or Squall's right.Selphie really IS on drugs.  
  
Grinning Reaper: Well, that's all she wrote for now!!  
  
Zell: My chapter's short!  
  
Grinning Reaper: So? So are you.  
  
Seifer: *snicker*  
  
Zell: We'll you're shorter!  
  
Grinning Reaper: JUST FOR THAT I'M MAKING YOU SAPPY WHEN YOU AND SEIFER FALL IN LOVE!!!!!!!  
  
Review!! Pleeeeeeeeeze! 


	3. Dammit All

Disclaimer: ::sigh:: Don't bother the poor...  
  
Grinning Reaper: I'm not getting very many reviews... ::pout:: But people still are reading sooooooooo...I'm still writing! ~,^  
  
Seifer: ::falls on knees:: WHY GOD WHY!!!???  
  
Zell:......  
  
Grinning Reaper: So, shall we get started?  
  
Chapter three: Damn it all.  
  
It was almost lunch. I looked over at Zell who was writing innocently at his desk and sigh. Damn it all but I was in trouble. I sighed again and looked out the window, not really paying attention to what the instructor was saying. The bell rang and it was finally time for lunch. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turn to face to face with Zell. He grinned like a little boy and handed me a note.  
  
"Here. You didn't forget did you?" His grin got wider. I wanted to slap that smile off his face. He grinned at me again and I sighed. I was already beginning to hate this. A lot. In fact, a whole lot.  
  
"No I didn't forget." I grumbled, jamming the note in my pocket. Zell rolled his eyes and turned to go.  
  
"Bye-bye Seifer." He called in a childish and sing song sort of voice.  
  
"Stupidmmrgrrzmmhatehate...grrr."  
  
"Hiya Seifer!" A voice behind me squeals. I stop muttering under my breath and turn around. Selphie is standing behind me. Was she saying hi to me?? She never talks to me...something is up...  
  
"Hey." I returned waving my hand slightly.  
  
"Sooo, what's up?" She asked falling into step beside me. I didn't answer. "What was the note all about huh?" She asked rolling her eyes into the side of her head and pursing her lips.  
  
"Private." I replied shortly, clenching the white collage ruled paper in my pocket. Selphie's eyebrows raised and she smiled.  
  
"Ahh, I see." She giggled here. "That's nice. Well, bye okay?" she walked away from me waving. What was that all about? Once I got to the cafeteria, I got my tray and stay at a table. Sighing, I pulled out the note and read on in horror.  
  
"Hell no, he has got to be kidding me." I muttered to myself. I glanced up at his table. He was staring. He looked surprised when I locked my gaze with his at first but he winked. Then he said something to his little friends, and bounded off. I took this as my cue to go. Sighing heavily, I hauled out of my seat and sauntered over to the table. Curious gazes met mine. With another sigh, I sat next to Squall. Hyne, they were going to talk about this for ages. Wincing, I put my arm around his shoulders. Squall stared at me coolly; he didn't even bat an eyelash. With an inward groan, I began to sing to him:  
  
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me ha-ppy when skies are gray, You'll never know dear how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away." I took my arm from around him. There was dead silence at the table. Everyone was staring. Squall's mouth quirked up at the side a bit.  
  
"Whatever Seifer," he said in a talking-to-idiots voice. It was Quistis who started to laugh first, then Selphie, followed by Irvine, and then finally Rinoa and Squall himself. Their laughter rang after me as I stormed away. I scanned the cafeteria for a certain blonde head. A certain little blonde head that I would like to smash in at the moment, but moving right along. I finally saw Zell in the eastern corner, farthest away from his table. He was doubled over laughing. Tears were running down his face he was laughing at me so hard. Still chuckling slightly, he sauntered over to me offered me a small envelope.  
  
"Here ya go." He said wiping his eyes. "That was so great..." he chortled.  
  
"Well I'm glad one of us is amused." I sneered snatching the envelope. He laughed again and bounced off gasping about how he needed air. Rolling my eyes I threw my un-touched food in the trash. I didn't feel like eating. I sat at the table and opened the envelope. Inside was the picture with me along with yet another note. It read:  
  
Dear Seifer,  
  
If you do this, I am going to be totally amazed! Not even I would do something that crazy or embarrassing. But don't get me wrong. That was just the beginning.  
  
--Zell D.  
  
I sighed and folded the note up in my pocket along with the other one that he had given me. After all I would need to keep them if I ever needed valid proof as to why I murdered him. I looked up and over at Squall's table. Selphie was grinning from ear to ear at me. She gave me a thumbs-up sign and a quick wink while the others weren't looking. Zell didn't tell her what was going on did he? Those two are pretty close after all. I'll have to ask him. And if he DID tell her, I'm killing him. A lot. I decided that I was going to ask Zell after lunch, seeing as we have the next class together. Not that I'm looking forward to it. Except for the part where I get to kill him that is.  
  
Grinning Reaper: Hohohoho!!! What did you guys think of that?!? Pretty great huh?  
  
Seifer: You're such an idiot.  
  
Grinning Reaper: Quiet you. In any case. What do you think should happen to poor ol Seifey next? I have some pretty good ideas, but I want to know what my readers wan to see.  
  
Squall: You don't have any readers.  
  
Grinning Reaper: Yes I do! Just not that many! I'm hoping that will change though...Only YOU can change it! ::takes out a pocket watch and swings it back and forth:: Reeeeveeeeeiiiww...REEEEVEEEEEIIIW!! 


	4. Selphie's Theory

Disclaimer: Yer face.  
  
Grinning Reaper: Ahahah!!! I am back with another fic chappie!!  
  
Seifer: I could spit.  
  
Grinning Reaper: And yes, rxcspideyb, I agree with you. The Chicken-wuss needs to show lil' ol' Seifa here who's boss. Just.DON'T SEND THE BUNNIES!!! NO BUNNIES!! NOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Seifer: I hate you, you know that?  
  
Grinning Reaper: And oh yeah, as a note, this is from the 3rd person because neither Zell nor Seifer is present during this conversation. I jest thought it might be a funny lil chapter to add.  
Chapter Four: Selphie's Theory  
  
"It's the truth!! Why won't you believe me!?! I saw it!!" The small brunette insisted of her boyfriend and her comrades. Irvine nodded solemnly.  
  
"Oh we believe you saw it alright we just think that you were on something when you did." He told her, gently patting her shoulder. Selphie pouted.  
  
"No really!! They're dating!!" Quistis raised her eyebrows, a cool and indifferent look on her face.  
  
"Zell and Seifer?" She voiced. Selphie nodded rapidly, her eyes wide and shining bright.  
  
"Really!" She insisted. "I've got proof!" She said putting emphasis on the word proof, as if it would help convince her friends.  
  
"...Proof?" Squall echoed. Selphie nodded rapidly again picking up her Ruby Dragon Energy Drink and taking a swig.  
  
"This morning, I saw Seifer leaving Zell's dorm. And then Zell came out. His clothes were messed up." She said.  
  
"I hardly think that's proof." Quistis said, taking off her glasses to polish the lenses.  
  
"No wait! AND I keep seeing Zell giving Seifer notes! I betcha they're love notes! And I mean come on! What about what happened just now? Looks like Zell was making Seifer prove his love to him. I mean why else would he come over here and sing to Squall like that?" Selphie said pointedly. Irvine looked thoughtful for a moment.  
  
"She does have a point you know. They do seem kind of suspicious." He said nodding slightly.  
  
"See!?! Irvy believes me!" Selphie said pointing wildly. Quistis still maintained her look of skepticism.  
  
"I'll need more proof. I still think that it's highly unlikely." She says, returning her glasses to their rightful place.  
  
"Fine!" Selphie said taking another swig of her highly caffineated drink. "I'll bet you 100 Gil that they're going out!" She says. Quistis nods.  
  
"It's a deal. I need to buy some parts to modify my whip anyhow." She says shaking Selphie's hand.  
  
"Wore it out on Xu huh?" Irvine said with a devilish grin. Quistis shot the cowboy an icy look.  
  
"Quiet you." She snapped when Squall and Rinoa snickered. Speaking of which. Quistis stood. "I just remembered that I have a staff meeting to go to." She said with a nod. "See you all later."  
  
"Have fun at the sex-uh, STAFF meeting!" Irvine called tauntingly. Everyone knew that Quistis was going to see her girlfriend.  
  
"SHUT UP!" The blonde shouted as she left. Selphie giggled in an almost giddy manner.  
  
"I think I'd better take this away from you." Squall said, removing the can of Ruby Dragon from her grasp.  
  
"Heeeey!" Selphie protested lightly. Irvine grinned and kissed her cheek.  
  
"I'll get you another one later Selph." He says. It's then that Zell materializes out of thin air again.  
  
"Hey guys what did I miss?" He asks with a fanged grin. Rinoa exchanges a look with Selphiel.  
  
"Nothing." She says pointedly. "What did we miss?" Zell gave her an odd look before taking a bite of hotdog.  
  
"Uhm." deciding that Rinoa was having one of her (MORE) ditzier moments he replied: "Nothing..." Rinoa and Selphie exchanged knowing looks again. Zell threw his hands up.  
  
"You guys are crazy," he said, frustrated. "I'm gonna go do some training now." He dumped his empty tray in the trash and left. Little did he know he was being tailed by a very obvious-to-the-rest-of-the-world Seifer. Selphie giggled manically.  
  
"Hahahaha...that 100 Gil is as good as mine." 


End file.
